Is Your Brain Benching Your Potential?

Even if you didn’t reach your goal, use your mindset as an asset, not a setback.

Starting this month, we’re using a new format to address your sports psychology challenges head-on. Need advice from Dr. E? Scan the QR code to submit a question!

Dear Dr. E.—

I didn’t do great at tryouts this year, and now I’m on the third string. Watching other kids playing on game day is frustrating when I know I could do better. How do I get my coach to see my potential if I’m always on the bench?

—Sitting on the Sidelines

Dear Sidelines—

Rejection in any form is heartbreaking, but it doesn’t define you. How you handle it, however, does. When we accept disappointment—and the feelings that surround it—as a normal part of life, we can create the space necessary to take the next right steps and grow.

Reflect and Learn

Before you can take action, however, take a beat. Think back to your tryouts. What did you do well? Where did you struggle? This kind of internal assessment gives you a starting point. Then think about what types of external feedback and assessments may help you as you improve. Do you know what kind of guidance you need? What types of feedback work best for you?

Develop a Growth Mindset

When you seek intentional, constructive feedback from your coach, you show that you are eager to improve and ready to be coached. Trust me—this matters!

Visualize how you want to perform, rewire your thinking for success, and then bring that mentality to practice. Watch your teammates closely. If someone has mastered a skill you’re working on, compliment them and ask how they learned it. Just remember—while internal drive is key, external guidance from others can make a big difference.

Set New Goals 

So, you didn’t reach this year’s goal of being a starter. What can you do now to achieve it next year? Whether it’s improving a specific skill, working on your confidence, or getting extra help, external support—like peak performance coaching—can help ensure you’re on the right track. Sometimes, that extra push is all you need to break through!

Focus on your progress—and remember that your mindset is your biggest asset. How you choose to use it is up to you!

You got this,
—Dr. E.

Dear Dr E.—

My son was really hoping to be named team captain this year, but the role went to someone else. He’s crushed and not handling it well. How can I help him process this and move on?

—Mom of Miserable Midfielder

Dear Mom—

Watching our children struggle is one of the hardest things we do as parents—even when we remember that these moments are often where the greatest growth happens. (It still doesn’t make them any easier!) First, let him know it’s okay to feel upset—those emotions are natural. After he’s had a chance to express his feelings, help him see this as a learning opportunity. What other ways can he contribute to the team? What are some qualities he admires about the new captain?

Being passed over for a title doesn’t mean he can’t still lead. True leadership often emerges in unexpected ways—through actions, attitude, and the ability to lift others up. Encourage him to support his teammates, stay dedicated, and focus on his skills and growth. These are the qualities that will serve him well long after the season is over.

—Dr. E.

Specializing in peak performance and sports psychology, EleVive helps student-athletes master their mental game. Learn more at EleVive.com.